pigscanfly

2006-10-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

This will be my last post on this blog... i can't take it any more... all these bare-faced lies... all these acts... from now on, i will juz say what i think straight to the person's face... i aso want to choing for next year. i want to go into the best class and be in a different class from her. aso, i dunno wanna blog bad things about ppl on this blog anymore. thats a coward's way of expressing one's self.. it sux... i am going to make a new blog.. this time, no one will know it.. there, it will be like my diary, with only me visiting it. tts the way i like it. goodbye, my dear blog... i will still come and tag... rarely..

2006-10-24T06:40:00.000-07:00

well, my second post today... just had a chat with one of my friends on the phone. yea, u are probably thinking, jacq calling someone juz to chat, yea, whatever... think what u like.. i dun care... and is it that obvious that i like someone? anyway, after talking to him, i saw things much more clearly.. i am a loner. i am a freak of nature. i dun deserve this life. enough of this self-pity. i had enough. i am sick of all this class politics. i dun want to be involved anymore. sometimes, i think that he is the only person that i could really confide in. i told him everything.. all my problems. and it made me feel better. u see, i could not tell rani and val everything, cuz i knew they would surely take action. he, however, is not involve. so i could tell him everything. just hope he would not feel pressured by knowing it. i even told him face to face tt i was pissed with him. and you noe what? he wasn't angry. he had no reaction. if he were rani, rani would have tried to ask why and make excuses and give explanations. same with val. is he the only person whom i can trust, but over the phone? i really feel like changing school. i can't take it anymore... it hurts.. hurts too much... the person i love doesn't even noe me. he has absolutely no connections with me... i dun even noe whether i still love him... i am so confused... will i remain a freak forever??
will i?

ps, if u have visited this blog and read my posts, please leave a tag at the tagboard. no spamming please... thank you.

2006-10-24T01:59:00.000-07:00

haiz...
having mixed emotions again... seems again tt everybody is too warped in their own lives to care about mine... good, tts the way i like it... only if shes not there to butt in and kick me out... u wan kick me out, then kick la... see if i care, bitch... and please, do it openly to my face... dun be nice to me and when i turn my back, stab me... u think i cannot see what u are doing isit? your head ar... fuck off, fuck out of my life...

anyway, lets not pollute our mind thinking about her...

so, to update on yesterday, me, val, rani, dihao, yuting, alex, chasper, amos, jordan and eugene went to pizza hut, then tt stupid yuting and dihao act as if we in hawker centre... wth? if we in kfc or mac, their behavior still acceptable... but excuse me? we were in a goddamn restaurent!!! jeez... then after tt, me, val, rani, dihao and yuting went to the playground near yuting's house to meet ws, dave, dexter and khai. we all played "grounded" except for rani, dave and ws.. so fun.. anyway, if they dun wan play, then come for wad?? at least rani played truth, dare and double dare later, but ws and dave leh? wth... come for nuthing, then do nuthing only to leave early.. then when they do participate when we are at yuting's house, always so protective of each other, guide each other when playing blind mice. like tt then not considered game lor... yucks sia... then rani and dihao aso, but not tt bad...
then when we playing truth, dare and doubledare, at first, only truth and dare, but when it started drizzling, we went to play at the shelter instead, then as too boring, we included double dare as well.... waah.. i kena truth so many times, then rani kena dare a lot of time aso... we force her kiss dihao's hand, hug him, and a lot of crap.. then we aso got force dihao and yuting do pole dance and the playground. when we at the shelter, we made khai do sexy walk all around the shelter... so damn funny lor... he walk until like real gay... then, we aso made alex kiss val's hand.... then yes! my turn at dare... finally wasn't truth. but the dare ar... so erxin lor, had to hold one guy's hand and walk around the whole shelter... eeww.... so i used the me-ne-mi-ne-mo elmination way to pick a guy, and ended up with alex... gross lor, until then, i never held a guy's hand before... and i meant to save it for him, what the hell lor.. so er....then later, yuting kena double dar, so we aso made him walk around the shelter, but he had to hold val's hand. his second dare was to kiss her hand at every corner as they were walking. then dihao had to hug rani... got much more, but cannot remember... anyway, i took bus home as the bus stop near yuting's house was for 302, so it was much more convienient then taking mrt.. somemore, no need to walk so much...
when at home, wanted to use the com, but my sis using... then something happen, so my dad fix until today... so coincidence lor, he wanted to update all 4 coms and get a new one, so tt we all can have our own computers, but only one can use internet at a time till the internet plan finish and my mum gets a better plan with router, so now, i have my own com!! so pleased... =))))

2006-10-21T06:17:00.000-07:00

aiyoh... i think i am going siao... i dun relli enjoy hanging out wif the ppl i usually hang out with... too many liao.. so insecure.. somemore, i have feelings for a guy whom i dun have feelings for.. isn't tt crap or wad??? is lyk, am i desperate or something??? lyk for a short while then dun like.. then now, when i go through my contact list for fun, when i see her name, i get nervous.. when she talks to me, i also get nervous... what the hell??? OMG, am i les??? nonono... impossible... eww... cannot think of tt... yuksyuks... y do i feel so insecure??? y do my feelings keep changing??? why dun i feel accepted??? am i supposed to be in a mental hospital??? or is it just tt my siblings are driving me up the wall??? AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!! help....

2006-10-19T06:44:00.000-07:00

Haiz....
results so bad....
chinese: 52/100[overall]
geog: 53/100
maths: 60/100
D&T: Model- 42/50
Paper- 31.5/50
Eng: 37/50
History: 40/50
Science: 80/100
Art: 88/100

hmm... got two 2nd place and two 3rd place... but still dun feel satisfied... wanna get first...
haiz...
sian... finished my goal, but feel so empty inside... feel like killing ppl... wanna slp....

2006-10-14T04:08:00.000-07:00

sigh...
my life relli sux
today, tution so boring. stupid teacher make us do stupid revising. is she retarded or what? exams over liao, revise what shit? anyway, after tution, met geri as lot 1. if u dun noe, geri is my sister. we went to library and sit there read till six plus plus.. how i wish i coould capture tt moment when both of us just sat there, reading, absorbing ourselve in our books... we usually quarrel, amazingly, there was peace between us today. i want to capture this moment forever. it want it to last. i want to lose my self in books and get away from the real world...
haiz..
then when come home, ate a bowl of macoroni and cheese left over from lunch, but still feel hungry, so took a bowl of hokkien mee my maid cooked for dinner. its actually very tasty, but my mood makes it tasteless. i am still eating it. but i can't finish it. so i stab, stab it... now its some kind of mush... juz feel so down...
juz took another spoonful. feel like spitting it out... no taste... there must be something wrong with my tastebuds...
hiaz... hate weekends... if i could juz stay at home, i wouldn't mind. but i juz have so many tutions and places to be. like church... i juz want to stay at home and sleep. isn't sunday supposed to be a day of rest? then why arent we resting?
another spoonful... spat it out.. not eating anymore... throw the rest away... what a waste of food... ppl in africa are starving, het here, i am throwing food away... haiz... i feel so guilty...
... ...
eating a guides cookie... not mine.. my sister's. she aso bought from rgs. same as the one i bought.. very nice... eatt finish liao... now drinking milk and eating oreos... i am such a pig... but i guess pigging out is one of my fav things to do when i'm feeling down... haiz. i wrote so much crap. wonder hu actually spends time to read it? haiz... wish i could have someone to be there for me... to cheer me up...
haiz...
everybody is busy with their own lives to care...
i'm such a nobody....
sigh...

2006-10-13T06:07:00.000-07:00

WAaah!!! Siansiansiansian.... today so boring, only interesting event tt happened was CCKSS idol. 1/5 rawks! all the other sec 1 class not enthu... our class was the only class which had ppl taking part among the sec 1 corhort, apart from 1/4, Ng Xiao Lin, then 1/4 aso neva cheer... =p diyanah, hasana, charmaine & yuko took part, the most from one class!!! anyway, diyanah sing damn nice! next time, when she gets older, can take part in singapore idol liao. then hasana sing the same song as diyanah, unfaithful by rihanna. but she sing ar, cannot hear, only can hear Rihanna's singing, cuz she didn't take the lyrics out... then mr nari so lame.... then when charmaine turn, though her singing a bit off, but her movements were really great. tt stupid chasper go write in his blog tt she gd entertainer, bastard la... when yuko sang, her singing was really great, but due to the stupid mike which had some sort of stupid problem, make her singing sound a bit wierd wierd... then, hasana win 3rd prize[?!?!?], and diyanah won 2nd prize, and some sec 2 gur win 1st prize. her singing relli nice. lol....

anyway...

ARRRGGGHHH!!!!

feel so lonely...
lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely... lonely...

feel so sad...
sad... sad... sad... sad... sad... sad... sad... sad... sad... sad...

just miss him so much... today never see him... sobs...

then, sometimes, i juz wonder hu are my true frens...

if i am in trouble, hu will really be there for me? to help me?

when i am sad, hu will comfort me?

when i am feeling depressed, hu would cheer me?

when i am pissed, hu would be there to cool me down?

Some many questions, too little time. going ice skating on monday wif the rest... unusually, dun feel excited at all. probably because i won't see him there. he doesn't even noe i am going. haiz...

sometimes, i juz feel tt the song, "I just wanna live!" by good charlotte would juz describe how i feel now. if wanna noe the lyrics, here they are:

I need an alarm system in my house
So I know when people are creeping about
These people are freaking me out (these days)
It's getting hectic everywhere that I go
They wont leave me alone
There's things they all wanna know

I'm paranoid of all the people I meet
Why are they talking to me?
And why can't anyone see?

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live ("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live x2")

I rock a law suit when I'm going to court
A white suit when I'm getting divorced
A black suit at the funeral home
And my birthday suit when I'm home alone
Talking on the phone got an interview
With the Rolling Stone they're saying
"Now you're rich and now you're famous fake ass girls all know your name
And Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous your first hit arenâ€™t you ashamed"
Of the life, of the life, of the life weâ€™re living

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live

Stop your messing around boy
Better think of your future
Better make some good plans boy
Said every one of my teachers
Look out better play it safe you'll never know what hard times will come your way
We say where we're coming from
We've already seen the worst that life can bring

Now we get expect it everywhere that we go
All the things that they say
Yeah we already know

I just wanna live
Don't really care about the things that they say
Don't really care about what happens to me
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live("just wanna live, just wanna live, just wanna live")
I just wanna live

Sometimes, i feel like not controling my innermostdeep feelings any longer, and yelling at those ppl who piss me off, and hu are really getting on my nerves, but i control, control. dun wanna hurt their feelings. dun wanna hurt them dun wanna hurt anyone. dun wanna care. dun wanna feel guilty.

I just wanna live!!!

2006-10-11T04:55:00.000-07:00

finally exams are over and i finally get internet access! =)=)=) haha, anyway, u ne the word "kitty"? yea, i relli like it, so, i guess my new craze now is KITTENS!!!! lol, i so lame... anyway, suai lor, swimming club is have a joint camp with table tennis club, and table tennis club is all boys, somemore, i only gur in my cca, so i would be like, the only gur in the whole camp! luckily, my teacher allow me to get one of my frens pei wo... lol, then we aso most likely go kayaking, swimming and play table tennis... =) bad news, terry aka teriyaki chicken will be there.... =(

2006-10-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

sry about juz now, was feeling real pissed off. anyway, to update on today, one word, slack. in chinese and history, the lin lao shi and mdm zainah[did i spell tt right?] let us do our own revision, then i go sit with jos. play and joke until so shiok, even with my damn running nose, which meant i had to go to the toilet in every lesson to get toilet paper, cuz my tissue[a new pack!!!] ran out in less than ten minutes of the first lesson. man, how i hate having running nose!!! anyway, during recess, went to canteen wif val to eat. i ate tou sa pao and had pink champange, but val only drank pink champange. actually, i wanted to drink milo, but tt terry ar, aso ask val help him buy, then when i ask 4 milo, he aso ask 4 milo. then i changed to pink champange, so did he. then back to milo, so did he. then i quikly changed to champange again, and val went off to buy b4 tt idiot said another word. damnit. i am supposed to be ignoring him, yesterday, i barely said two words. today, i said more then ten. why? cuz he kept pissing me off and i had to tell him to shut the hell up so many times... grr... anyway, during science, we got our class test back, and i got 26 upon 30! second in class! =) kelvin got 27, 1st, and jie ying aso got 26, so we shared 2nd place... then in eng, well, no need to say. its in my previous de previous post. after tt, in maths, do boring. listened to music from mp3, tt Angmokio muz be blind cuz he didn't see me. =) the after tt, me, rani, val, cheryldine, ws and dave went to lot 1. rani, val and cheryldine went to kfc to eat, while me, ws and dave went to mac. hmm... felt so lamp post.... anyway, after tt, we went to the library to "study". we sat at the children's section. not long after tt, some guys and gurs from 1/6 came to the library and sat nt far from us at the children section as well. amazingly, dave knew them... then, after dave and ws left, rani sat beside me, and we went crazy. =) after tt, we went back. cuz rani's dad fetched her, i took 302 instead of my usual mrt wif her. shit lor, missed the bus then had to take the nst one... anyway, signing off now. smile everyone!!!

2006-10-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

at home now,
theres just one thing i juz can't stand, and it is cowards. nt the kind of cowards hu are scared of silly things like the dark and all, but the kand which i hereby named social cowards. the type hu like to hate ppl, but dun dare to say anything to their faces, then later go write it on their blogs or tell everyone on msn. then when ppl pissed off cuz it is not true, they quickly go temperally remove their blogs or something. If want to hate, then say to face lar! y muz go spread fake rumors? damn pissifing, dun u noe? one more time and i am relli going to blow my top.

2006-10-04T21:12:00.000-07:00

Finally, the com loaded to this page. Fiona, if u say u feel u feel hurt because i left u, val and gang for the so-called "popular" people, how do u think I feel? they aren't even popular. even rani says so. And u said tt i complain about ws to u? tts crap. maybe last time when i was enemies with her, but not now. she and i have made up, and why we were enemies last time, was because of a misunderstanding. Back to me leaving u, val and gang, whenever i hang out with u guys, i just feel so left out. just like val feels when she hangs out with her. when i hang out with ws and rani, or wif jos, i just feel much more accepted, and i can say what i want. when i am with u guys, u ppl keep talking bad about wenshan and rani. i am trying to be the peacemaker, but u guys just keep blowing things up. if i used to be part of ur so-called gang, well, i quitting it now. u guys keep trying to control me, and i can't and won't take i from u and ur gang. I am no puppet in this fucking power struggle. i dun want even want to be part of it. i am trying to be peacemaker only because i can tell tt rani and wenshan are feeling very hurt, and i dun want anyone to be hurt. fiona, can't you tell tt rani is very hurt by u? u say u feel left out. how do u think she feels? u want to hate her, fine. then say it out to her face then. why must you hate people? hating people will only make u hate your life and everyone around u. i used to hate hasana, but now i am alright with her. why? because i tried to make a difference. not the kind of difference tt will make everyone hate each other, but the kind of difference tt will end with everyone happy and friends with each other. as rani said, what is the use of hating each other. we have to be in the same class as each other for the next year as well, and maybe also in sec 3 and 4. why can't you looks at others' good points instead of bad points? jeez. if you are going to continue treating everyone this way, then writing what you feel on ur damn blog, then, i mo longer want to hang out with u guys. if all of u are goin to gang up against us. i am going to tell u to fuck off and get out of my life. get it? so, bloody stop it. if u dun like it, confront us straight to our faces. dun use the internet to ruin other peoples' life, DAMNIT!!!

2006-10-03T18:06:00.000-07:00

at school, com lab 2 now, we are in art lesson. the boys so damn f**king irritating. make so much noise. EXAMS ARE GOING ON, DAMNIT!!! somemore yesterday, mum changed the password to internet, so cannot go blogging. so, to update on yesterday, someone relli pissed me off, and up to now, i am still ignoring him. and whenever i see him, i just dun feel the the spark anymore. instead, i think of him. haiz... how fickle minded can i get? anyway, back to just now, cuz ws and dajie were standing at the back of the gurs, the guys behind them kept doing stupid things juz to get their attention, and kept pushing ws and making her scream. no offense wen shan, but it relli is getting on my already frazzled nerves... so do me a favor, stop it. oh yea, tell the boys to BLOODY F**KING SHUT THE F**K UP!!!

2006-10-02T04:31:00.000-07:00

Finally, my dad fixed the printer after he came home from work today, and i fainally managed to scan these images in, though the one wif blue names was taken from rani cuz mine was juz too small.. =)

2006-10-01T23:45:00.000-07:00

Haiz.... Today is the first day of exams, yet i already made a blunder. The first exam was mother tongue paper 1. that, still okay okay bah, but what really went off was the mother tongue paper 2 which took place after recess. at first, everything was okay, although i was struggling to concentrate as the sec 2s outside were SO DAMN NOISY!!!! anyway, i was at the second last open-ended comprehension when i looked at the clock, and OH SHIT. only 20 mins left. so, i skimmed through, and what? was only left with 15 mins for the last comprehension. what the hell lor, i knew all the answers but was left with only 10 mins after reading the passage and questions. i answered as many as possible, but could only answer 1 qn. then ms maz said, "stop writng now." shit lor. left so many questions blank. anyway, after the paper ended, i cried. yea, i noe, pathetic right? nvm.. i cried cuz i didn't want to fail. no, i could not afford to fail. if not, i could not go to new zealand for the december hols. it was then when i found out who my true friends were. Thanks, Rani, Wen Shan and Dave for being there for me. Thanks Di Hao, Yu Ting, Dexter and Alex for the unexpected but appreciated jokes, no thanks to some people at KFC who ignored us, sry, but true. after that, rani, wen shan and i went to take neoprints with the guys waiting for us. man, it was so fun. thanks again, ppl, for being there for me. after that, when we were at the third level of lot 1 on our way down, we saw some 1/6 guys, followed not far behind by some 1/6 gurs. hmm... wonder if the gurs were following the guys... hu cares, none of my business... anyway, all the best in your exams if you are reading this, not including my enemies, and all the best of gd luck to you if you have read this. hope you did well in your chinese paper. =), btw rani, dun get the wrong idea...

2006-10-01T03:44:00.000-07:00

haiz.. exams are at the doorstep, everyone is choinging, so am i. after a talk with dave some time ago, around two weeks or more, his words are beginning to hit home, and i finally understand what he means by living in your own world, not communicating with anyone else out of school. in p6, i used to do that, and you noe what? i enjoyed it. now, circumstances have changed me, into what? a freak trying to fit in. NO, i want to be my old self again. yes, having frens, but not getting that close, cuz, one day you will have to say goodbye, and saying goodbye hurts too much. one day, i relli did study, i studied till my brain felt like exploding. and guess what? i like it. it felt great to actually stress myself out doing homework, thinking of how to answer this question set before me, instead of stressing myself out because of friendship problems. why? because homework questions can be put aside to a time when you are in a better mood to do homework, but friendship problems? you die die must solve it the very instant, and what would happen if you dun resolve it? poof!!! there goes your friendship, and if tt person is the spiteful kind, you lose your social life. now, back to living in your own world. if you are not tt close to anyone, you can't be betrayed. even if you are betrayed, it won't hurt so much since you aren't even tt close to them. and, if you dun provok anyone, you won't get hurt. this exam period is another good chance to soulsearch and study. i wish everyone except my enemies to pass all their exams with flying colours. good luck everyone, expecially you. muax, miss you.

2006-09-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

WTH!!! i went for a haircut this morning, then only when i came home after guitar lesson, when i tried tying my hair up, i realised, tt it looked lyk the end of a BROOMSTICK!!! arrgghhh... how am i going to face ppl tomorrow???? oh shitt.... aghhhhhh!!!!

2006-09-21T04:41:00.000-07:00

Wah... still pissed at mr hoo at mr liaw, but nvm, lets move on to other topics, hmm, today's D&T was cancelled as Mr Tay did not come. Heng ar, it would have been a waste of two solid hours if he had come, so instead, me, rani, val, cheryldine, alex and di hao went to lot 1 to hang out. we went to take neoprints except for cheryldine, then met ws and dave. after tt, we walked around lot 1 for awhile. LoL, we all xiang wai wai about a lot of things, hey guys, remember Seiyu? and the bubbletea? haha, anyway, after tt, we went to library to study(hmm, nt exactly true, but nvm) there, we in the children's section near the harry potter books, (its a nice place!) we were all either reading or doing hw, but in the guys' case, they were making dirty jokes and dave laughed till his whole face turned red!!! LoL!!! at 5pm, we all left except dave and ws who stayed behind in the library, hmm, is there something going on between them??? LoL.. weird, out of the blue, i suddenly think about today's PC lesson, ms maz was talking about relationships, hmm... well, in my opinion, relationships sux, but i dun think theres any harm in lyking someone at our age since it is only puppy love... =)

2006-09-21T04:28:00.000-07:00

haiz... got my result slip yesterday, finally remember to give it to my mother, man, i just can't believe that i could have done so badly for ca2... my english! i have never gotten below As before... stupid Mr Hoo! why base it all on fcuking letter writing.. jeez... whats his problem? always give such boring homework, then say tt he is going to use it in ca2... if he actually gave us an Interesting topic to write about, I bet tt the whole class would scores As, but no, he simplys has to gice such boring topics tt people actually sleep in his class! take eugene for example! jeez.... And Geography, well, Mr Liaw, in class talk so much crap for what? go home eat shit lar! I curse you get heartattack and die... grrr...

2006-09-20T03:29:00.000-07:00

came back from the pool around an hour ago... read science textbook for a while... [see, i so guai!!!], then go bathe.... WAHLAO!!! so suai.... go drop my hairclip inside toilet bowl... SO DISGUSTING!!!! STINKO!!!! had to use an old pair of chopsticks to pick it up and threw the hairclip and chopsticks away.... hmm... wonder what would have happened if i simply washed them and let my hated bro use... hmm....

2006-09-19T06:09:00.000-07:00

Phew... finally got a new cbox... stupid ppl, waste my time, go tag rubbish for wat? wats ur problem... nuthing to do is it? then go home eat shit lar... dun waste my time.... GRRR!!!!

2006-09-10T03:15:00.000-07:00

To those stupid idiots hu tagged rubbish on my blog yesterday, please do not do it again. the ps in my previous post was meant for my frens, and you, are definitely not one of them. so if you are going to do it again, F*** OFF!!!

2006-09-09T02:59:00.000-07:00

feeling kinda down these days... though i have managed to patch up most of my broken friendships, i still feel kind of weirded out... it seems lyk the kind of feeling when you have forgotten to do or bring something, but u juz carn remember what it is... i did a soulsearch yesterday night and realised something. i have changed... yes, dave, you will noe what i mean. you knew me since p4, but knew me the most in p6. in p6, i was quiet, shy, tomboy, very different from what i am now. in sec 1, i became more socialble, more outgoing and though i dun want to admit this, it is true, more girly, more frank, less weird, and more fierce. but after tt reflection, i realised tt i dun want to be what i am now. i want to be more lyk my old self again. i used to be curious about everyone back then in the earlier half of this year. i noe it is irritating, but i juz couldnt stop myself then. i simply had to quench my thirst for knowledge.. now, i will keep my thirst for knowledge to books and let ppl tell me their secrets only if they want to, and keep it to myself....

ps: if you were to visit my blog, please tag so tt i know tt u have been here and read my posts. i nver knew tt ppl actually came to my blog so i didnt bother to post much, tt is until ws told me. thx for your cooperation.

Jacq

2006-09-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

whee.... the misunderstanding is resolved, we are frens again. but after that incident, i will neva go astray again. i have found a new way to love, and tt is through gurs. i am not saying i am turning les, it is juz tt i will only love my godsisters.
anyway, to update on this bloggie of mine, yesterday, me, rani, val, dihao, alex, dexter and some other ppl from 1/5 and cckss went to science centre 4 a lecture on drugs... quite fascinating actually.... anyway, after tt, we went to PLAY!!!! so fun!!! there was lyk, one attraction there, it it a tablewith a hole. u go from behind then put ur head thru the hole, then u look lyk ur head has been chopped off and placed on the table. SO COOL!!!! after tt, i rushed home, changed, then went to meet ws and her younger bro to watch monster house. it was lyk, so scary in a funny way... after tt, we hanged out at lot 1 b4 going home. oh yea, did i mention tt her bro is lyk, SO CUTE!!!!!!!!! wish i could exchange my bro 4 hers. cuz i wore a jacket over a sleeveless shirt, he kept pulling my hood over my head and aso putting stuff lyk books we borrowed in to my hood. SO CUTE!!!
anyway, signing off now,
cya!

2006-08-31T07:59:00.000-07:00

feeling depressed,
i thought tt there were some feelings left, but when i did a soulsearch, i realised tt all there is left of a long lost love is just hate. pure hate. that and the desire to kill

2006-08-31T07:56:00.000-07:00

i trusted you, but you broke your promise to keep my secret. there is a saying, once bitten, twice shy. i can never bring myself to trust you again...

2006-08-20T03:41:00.000-07:00

hey, the previous post, yea, i noe tt some of you wun believe it, cuz i seem so anti-guy, but yea, i am only doing this to neutralise my feelings.... sry.... but if u dun wanna believe my previous post, go on thinking i am anti guy... i wun stop you..

2006-08-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

thx to you, my heart has been broken so many times... in my perspection, it seems to me lyk you noe tt i love him, and you are doing this to make me jealous.. it is waving drugs infront of a drug addict, then telling him/her that she can't take it. the love i have for him is too immense and i can't do anything about it. believeme, i have tried. I tried losing myself to other guys and only ended up hurting both parties.. it seems lyk the more i try to break away, the more i end up hurting myself... by this and many more, he has broken my heart so many times till there is on unhealable wound in my heart. it hurts every time i see him, and it will go on and on till the day i die...

2006-07-16T03:54:00.000-07:00

haha.. juz added some songs to my blog... something i should have done a long time ago... man, i love these songs, expecially " wake me up when september ends"! whee... came back from my guitar lessons around an hour ago.. =) quite tiring actually. seriously... u dun believe me, go take up guitar lor. haha.. ok, gtg. i wanna add more songs... cya!

2006-06-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

Hey, i read this story on a webbie, it is like really heart-wrenching. Hmmm.... wonder what you people would think of it.

Leaf, Tree and Wind.

“Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay~ ”

Tree
The reason I'm called tree is because I'm good at painting trees. Overtime I start to use a tree on the right hand corner as a trademark for all my watercolors painting. I have dated 5 gals when I was in Pre- U. There's one gal who I love a lot but never dare go after her. She doesn't have a pretty face, doesn't have a good figure, doesn't have outstanding charm. She is just a very ordinary gal. I like her. I really like her. Like her innocent, like her frankness. Like her cuteness, like her intelligence and her fragility. Reason for not going after her is because I felt somebody so ordinary like her is not a good match for me. I'm also afraid that after we are together all the good feelings will vanish. I'm also afraid other's gossips will hurt her. I felt that if she's my gal, she will be mine ultimately & I don't have to give up everything just for her. The last reason, made her accompany me for 3 years. She watch me chase after gals, and I have make her heart cry for 3 years. She wants to be a good actress and I'm a very demanding director. When I kissed my 2nd girlfriend, she bumped into us. She was embarrassed but smile & say "Go on!" before running off. The next day, her eyes was swollen like a walnut. I purposely didn't want to think about what causes her to cry but laugh at her the whole day. When everybody go back home, she was alone crying in the classroom. She didn't know that I returned from soccer training to get something. I watch her cry for an hour or so.
My 4th girlfriend didn't like her. There was once when both of them quarreled. I know that based on her character she's not the type that will start off the quarrel. But I still sided with my girlfriend. I shouted at her and her eyes was filled shocked. I didn't care about her feelings and walked off with my girlfriend. The next day, she still laugh & joke with me like nothing has ever happened. I know that she's very hurt but she didn't know that my heart ache is as bad as hers.
When I broke up with my 5th girlfriend, I asked her out. After going out for a day, I told her that I have something to tell her. She told me that coincidentally, she has something to tell me too. I told her about my break up and she told me about her getting together. I know whose the guy. He has been going after her for quite a while. A very cute guy full of energy, lively and interesting. His pursuit for her has been the talk of the school.
I can't show her my heart ache but could only smile & congratulate her. When I reach home, the heart ache is so strong that I can't stand it. It's like a heavy weighted stone on my chest. I couldn't breath. Wanted to shout but can't. Tears rolled down & I broke down & cry. How many times have I seen her cry for the man that doesn't acknowledge her presence too.
During graduation, I read a sms in my hp. It was send 10 days ago when I broke down and cry. I haven't read it since then. It says "Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay"

Leaf
During Pre-U days, I like to collect leaves. Why? Because I felt that for a leaf to leave the tree she has been relying on for so long it takes a lot of courage. During the 3 years of Pre-U I was on very close terms with a guy. Not BGR kind but as buddy kind. But when he had his 1st girlfriend, I learnt a feeling I never should have learnt - Jealousy. The sourness in the heart can't be describe by using a lemon. It's like 100 rotten sour lemon. Sourness to the extreme limit. They were only together for 2 mths. When they broke up, I hide my strong sense of happiness.
But after a mth, he got together with another gal. I like him & I know he like me. But why won't he pursue me? Since he love me why he doesn't want to make the first move? Whenever he had a new girlfriend, my heart would hurt. Time after time, my heart was hurt. I begin to suspect that this is a one sided love. If he don't like he, why does he treat me so well. It's beyond what you will normally do for a friend. Liking a person is very heart wrenching. I can know his likes, his habits. But his feelings towards me I can never figure out. You can't expect me a gal to ask him right?
Despite that, I still want to be by his side. Care for him, accompany him, love him. Hoping that one fine day, he will come & love me. It's like waiting for his phone call every night, wanting him to send me sms. I know that no matter how busy he is, he will make time for me. Because of this, I waited for him. The 3 years were the hardest to go through & I really want to give up. Sometimes, I wonder should I continue waiting. The pain and hurt, the dilemma accompany me for 3 years. Till the end of my 3rd year, a 2nd year junior begins to go after me. Everyday he pursuit me relentlessly. From outright rejection to a point in time when I felt that I'm willing to let him have a small footing in my heart. He's like a warm & gentle wind, trying to blow a leaf away from the tree. In the end, I realized that I didn't want to give this wind a small footing in my heart. I know this wind will bring this badly battered leave far away & better land. Finally I left tree, but the tree only smile & didn't ask me to stay. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay.

Wind
Because I like a gal called leaf. Because she's so dependent on tree so I have to be a gust wind. A wind that will blow her away. When I first met her, it was 1 mth after I transfer to the new school. I saw a petite person looking at my seniors & me playing soccer. During ECA time, she will always be sitting there. Be it alone or with her friends looking at him. When he talks with gals there's jealousy in her eyes. When he looked at her,there's a smile in her eyes. Looking at her became my habit. Just like she likes to look at him.
One day, she didn't appear. I felt something amissed. I can't explain the feeling except it's a kind of uneasiness. The senior was also not there as well. I went to their classroom, hid outside and saw my senior scolding her. Tears were in her eyes while he left. The next day, I saw her at her usual place, looking at him. I walked over and smiled to her. Took out a note & gave to her. She was surprised. She looked at me, smiled & accept the note. The next day, she appeared & pass me a note and left. Leaf's heart is too heavy and wind couldn't blow her away It's not that leaf heart is too heavy. It because leaf never want to leave tree I replied her note with this statement and slowly she started to talk to me & accept my presents & phone calls. I know that the person she loves is not me. But I have this erseverance that one day I will make her like me. Within 4 mths, I have declared my love for her no less than 20 times. Every time, she will divert away from the topic. But I never give up. If I decide I want her to be mine, I will definitely use all means to win her over. I can't remember how many times I have declared my love to her. Although I know she will try to divert but I still bear a small ray of hope. Hoping that she will agree to me my girlfriend. I didn't hear any reply from her over the phone. I asked "what are you doing? How come you didn't want to reply?" She said, "I'm nodding my head". "Ah?" I couldn't believe my ears. "I'm nodding my head" She replied loudly. I hang up the phone, quickly changed and took a taxi and rush to her place & press her door bell. During the moment when she opens the door. I hugged her tightly. Leaf departure is because of Wind pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay

2006-05-29T19:50:00.000-07:00

Yay!!! during the mariapolis camp last weekend, which juz ended yesterday, i learnt to play the guitar!!! whoopee!!! my mum even agreed to let me go for guitar lessons once i get my gold for swimming!!! whee!!! she will even get me my own guitar!!!! alleluia!!!!

2006-05-26T04:01:00.000-07:00

whee!!! currently working on a story!
ok, actually, its a love story, very different from what I usually write! =)
shhh.... duh tell others!!
but, the only people who would probably be able to read it is Val, Rani, Charmaine, Wen Yi and Yue Ming. In other words, all my da jies. =)

pigs can fly! believe me?

2006-05-25T06:36:00.000-07:00

haha... my first post on this blog!!! whee.....!!!
pigs can fly!!! believe me?